Habits


biting down on chewing gum

can’t stop thinking about it

pick and twiddle at my thumb

can’t stop thinking about it

knuckles crack against the bricks

can’t stop thinking about it

count my scars, four, five, six

can’t stop thinking about it

digging out my fresh, red scabs

can’t stop thinking about it

time to take a few more dabs

can’t stop thinking about it

paranoid, ADHD

can’t stop thinking about it

scheduled to break at one, two, three

can’t stop thinking about it

smokey lungs and itchy throat

can’t stop thinking about it

my liver’s ready to explode

can’t stop thinking about it

ALWAYS ON MY MIND

NEVER STOP THINKING ABOUT IT

Imperfect Facade


Do you want to know what’s eating me alive?
It’s all these thoughts I bottle up inside.
My mind continues to recite this unspoken soliloquy.
It plays in my head, non-stop, repeatedly.
These are some of the lines:

“I may be everything you wanted but I could never be everything you needed. Defeated is all I’ll ever be in my abandoned memory. To you, I applaud your hypocrisy, for it was much more deceptive than I remember. But what right have I got to state that claim when I suffer from memory loss and numbing pain. You put on this facade so often, I can’t even remember who you used to be. To me, you were imperfectly pure. But I can’t find that in you anymore.”

You stabbed me so hard,
I nearly fell through the floor.
But you held your hand out to catch me,
you confused me once more.
How much longer
do we have to live like this?
That’s all I want to know.