Gynophobia – Fear of Women

Attention beautiful humans: I have a question for you.

When do you feel most like a woman?

Is it when you’re in a super fancy dress with makeup and high heels, ready to make that snazzy first impression. Is it when you’re wearing sneakers and a sports bra, covered in dirt and sweat, ready to take that next step to living healthy? What about when you’re casually wearing a t-shirt and jeans, living life one day at a time? No matter when it is, I want you to know that you are “woman enough” for the world!

eliseOne of my favorite Canadian actresses describes womanhood in a beautiful and relatable way: @baumanelise ‘Bites the Bullet’ for shethority and @the_bangbang and says, “I’m biting the bullet and redefining what femininity means to me. I’ve previously muted my more tomboy side, thinking it wasn’t “attractive” or “feminine” enough, but what I’m coming to realize is that often when I feel the most connected to my womanhood is when I’m covered in sweat, pushing my body to the limit. To me, being a woman is full of passion and power and flaws and mess and anger and compassion and so much more.”💪👊 📷 (x)

After breaking out of my shell and experiencing the world, I realize that there is no set way to define femininity because it means something different to everyone. I relate to Elise’s words in the way that I don’t feel connected to my womanhood when I’m all dressed up. Although society believes a feminine person should practically resemble a Barbie doll, it’s an unhealthy image that’s enforced into a stereotype. I don’t feel like a true woman when I’m hiding under the foundation and the eyeliner and the lipstick – I don’t feel like myself. I am in no way similar to the next person, so why is femininity mainly revolving around poise and being “lady-like” all the time?

This question got me thinking, “When do I feel most like a woman?”

As some of you may have guessed, I love to share my art (paintings, drawings, pieces of poetry, etc.) and found that whenever I share that art and receive feedback, I gain a wave of confidence. It’s a type of confidence that either drives me to improve my work, or to be at peace with the creation I’ve made. Naturally, my mind interprets the world in a different light and, for some reason, I feel a need to share that perspective with others. To expand on this a little – I am the type of person who enjoys the little things whole-heartedly. There is so much beauty in the color of fresh grass. There is a sense of joy waiting for you in a cup of coffee by the open window. There’s a whole new world waiting to whisper to you when you stare at the moon. I have found these all to be signs of happiness and it’s made me realize that I need to fall in love more – Fall in love with the feeling of my head hitting the pillow and the color of my nephew’s eyes. Fall in love with things other than people. Be spontaneous and throw away that 5-year plan. My mind has been remodeled to focus on the exact moment I’m living in and nothing else. My ideology for this life is based on the idea that being alone doesn’t mean you’re lonely. When a person learns to live in the moment and find consolation in their aloneness, their mind becomes something uniquely beautiful. When society is able to see what I see (even in the slightest) I feel proud, empowered, and energized. Those feelings then fuel the serotonin and dopamine inside of me, causing me to feel like I’ve made a tiny difference in someone’s life.

It was hard to interpret at first, but I found that I feel most connected to my womanhood when I can influence people’s thoughts through my art. Whether they feel touched by a poem I wrote or inspired by a picture I painted, that sense of influence makes me feel like a true woman. That is where I find real beauty in myself. It’s not in the clothes, makeup, or mannerisms – my femininity shows through my imagination and to be capable of sharing that with the world is an incredible feeling. On top of that, I always feel most like a woman when my shirt is covered in paint, my hands smudged with pencil lead, and my body cramping from the work.

No matter what it may be, don’t allow others to define your definition of womanhood because, as I said before, it is different for everyone and it should continue to be defined in a new way every day. So ask yourself, when do you feel most like a woman?

Swerve – web series

“When I was a kid, I had a recurring dream that I had found a doorway right into the throne room of God. I was about to turn the world on its head and prove he existed. Then, I’d go through that door and find him on his thrown… dead and bloated. I imagined a world that stopped believing in God finding all of that out at once. That dream stopped when I was a teenager. But it left me with the unshakable impression that God had, either by choice or his own fate, abandoned us. Now it seems like I’m going to find out for sure. Damn.” – Elise, Swerve S1E2

These are not my words, but they come from a web series called Swerve. I heard the dialogue and found it strangely beautiful even though its meaning has a dystopian tone to it. In a way, this imagery is unsettling, especially if you believe in God. On the other hand, it also seems a little realistic to come across a “dead god” if you’re not a believer. But aside from the imagery, I can relate to this dialogue; specifically the last part. So many terrible occurrences happen in life that might make you assume God has abandoned us. Maybe he walked away from certain people for certain reasons. Or he just couldn’t satisfy everyone with what he’s created. No matter what the situation or what you believe, life will force you to question countless things. And even worse, it will force you to wait until tomorrow to figure out if your beliefs and assumptions are “correct.” Life is a peculiar game that we all got thrown into. Too bad we couldn’t choose to be born or not. But here we are. And I encourage you to stay curious and continue questioning everything in your path. This is only the beginning and the unanswered questions before you will allow you to discover exactly what you’ve been looking for.

Swerve synopsis: Elise (Sharon Belle) is a young woman who decides to leave her dead-end job and dead-end life behind and try to hitchhike her way to something better.

This was a very random blog post, but I began watching this series and fell in love with a lot of the screenwriting. Glad I could introduce you to something new! Thanks for reading, Lovely Humans!