The Pier


If you shall sail away tomorrow, dear
May I pass by the foaming white beach side
And lay my soul to rest beneath the pier

How can I live if I live in this fear?
Not enough times, i tried, you tried, we tried
And soon you’ll sail away tomorrow, dear

Is it worth living worlds away, from here?
Or worth living without your love, your bride?
If so, I’ll lay my soul below the pier

My heart like an anchor, it pulls you near
But distance binds me underneath the tide
How can you sail away today, my dear?

May I sink to the ocean floor, so clear
The waves stroking my feet with every stride
And soon burry my soul beneath the pier

My heart is soaked and salty as a tear
All of my bones have somehow pruned inside
And now you are sailing away, my dear
I lay my soul to sleep beneath the pier

Agathophobia – Fear of Kindness


So I recently invested in a small but wonderful bracelet from Hot Topic

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In case you can’t tell, this bracelet is made up of “dots” and “dashes.” It spells out a word in morse code. If you wanna solve the mystery on your own, here’s the code:

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If you don’t want to waste your time, scroll down

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My bracelet translates to “Ahole,” or in other words: Asshole. Now, I didn’t buy this bracelet to label myself as an asshole. I also didn’t buy it because it looks like a nice piece of meaningless jewelry. I bought it to remind myself of how shitty people can be sometimes (including myself). Every time I look down at my bracelet, I will think one of two things:

1)  “They are being an asshole to me, but hopefully, they don’t mean to”

Or

2)  “I am being an asshole, so stop being rude and choose kindness”

This code reminds me to be authentic. Since the norm for society seems to be “fight fire with more fire,” I want to remind myself that (for the most part), that is never going to work in my favor – I would know from personal experience. So instead, when someone is being rude, I simply need to take 5 seconds to be frustrated (mentally), and then calmly approach the situation with the intention to defuse any conflict. It also reminds me of a brilliant line from the tv show Lost:

Jack: “… And I knew I had to deal with it. So I just made a choice. I’d let the fear in. Let it take over. Let it do its thing. But only for five seconds. That’s all I was gonna give it. So I started to count to five. I could feel it inside — like when you drink a milkshake on a hot day. One, two, three, four, five. And it was gone.” – S1E1

Instead of fear, it would be anger, or frustration, or whatever negative emotion is present when dealing with difficult people. On top of that, I think it’s important to allow yourself to feel what the situation calls for. I believe it’s foolish to pretend you aren’t feeling negative when you are, but I also believe you shouldn’t act upon that negativity in a violent/extreme way. As everyone says, “communication is key” and if you want to express that something makes you upset, then do it. It doesn’t have to turn into a brawl of any sort (and if it does, then either you or the other person approached the situation incorrectly, causing it to escalate). If the other person (or people) truly are an asshole and think it’s entertaining to start a fight, then just walk away. There’s no point in fighting a bully (unless it’s through kind words).

Overall though, this bracelet is a reminder that humans make mistakes and have bad days. We can’t condemn them for it and we need to practice patience. Now, whenever I’m in a rough situation, I have a shiny reminder that no one is really the villain, it’s just one of those days – approaching it with positivity will make the difference  🙂

No Longer


I no longer thirst for water; my only drink is the salty tears that slide onto my dry lips. I no longer hunger for food; I only eat the pills of confusion you keep feeding me – I digest them uneasily. I no longer search for love; what you’ve shown me is the pity for my own mistakes. I no longer look for a friend; I thought loyalty was something more than trying to figure me out. I no longer try; I only put in as much effort as you. I no longer look for acceptance from you; I may be repetitive but I have a right to express what I truly feel. I no longer filter my thoughts; you criticize every little detail that comes out of my mouth. I no longer care; why should I when you stopped caring from the very beginning?

Breathe.


Do you remember the day you made me stop breathing, my love? If not, let me remind you. It was the day I put the rope around my neck. At least you were able to inhale quietly instead of gasping for air.  I’d be alright holding my breath again if it meant you could feel alive. I’d even keep my head under the water for the extra hour if you just want to enjoy the swim. My asthma is terrible, but I’d run the extra mile if it meant you could catch your own breath. I’d sleep with the pillow over my face so that you and the baby could rest peacefully. You could say I’m willing to fill the car with carbon monoxide and breathe in only the thought of you. I don’t know if I would go as far to take my helmet off in space, but I would let you take my oxygen tank.  Anything to help you breathe.

Don’t follow my lead or else you’ll suffocate.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Swim to the surface, but please, let me drown.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Breath in. Breathe out.

Just breathe, my love.