Bored and Floating


I’m running away from all my problems
I’m so sick of going outside
Might need a treadmill in my apartment
I’m only hiding, not trying to die

Swimming in the rain
Waiting for another day
Drowning in the pain
When everything’s the same

I’m building a bridge to get over friends
I don’t have a straw this time
Weak bolts make me fall again
I suck up all the tears that flood my life

I’m floating on my back
Can’t see anything underneath
Maybe it’s better without a raft
Maybe I’ll feel some sort of teeth

Brush against my leg
Give me goosebumps down my spine
But the only thing that bothers me is seaweed

I feel fine.

Thantophobia – Fear of Losing Someone You Love


I miss you.
Although I see you every day, I feel as though I haven’t seen you at all.
You take me back to that Blink182 song.
You know which one I’m talking about.
You love that band and that genre of music.
Many times I wish nothing had changed between us because I loved what we had.
Our simple friendship.
It was something to reminisce about.
Weeks and months to follow, I still daydream of the moments we shared.
Especially after that one traumatic night.
Remember?
It was just you and I.
We had the whole night to ourselves and although it had beaten me down, I hoped moments like that would never stop.
Goodness, do you even know how happy you made me?
In the course of seven months.
Do you know how much you made me laugh and feel something again?
I know you haven’t felt happiness in a while, but you had to have felt something in those moments we had.
I know you.
So what if some things are different now?
I still understand you and what you feel.
It’s strange to say “I miss you” even when you are 5 feet away.
Maybe you won’t understand this but you’ll be intelligent enough to know that this is for you.
In the silence of your room, I wonder if you still think of me.
I wonder many things about you but I’ll never let you know.
Please just sober up and come back.
I don’t want things to change so quickly.
I just want us.
Just for a little while longer, if you’ll let it be.
I miss you.

Athazagoraphobia – Fear of Being Forgotten


My dear friend,

I’m sitting in a coffee shop, listening to our song being played through the small circular speakers in the ceiling. What a coincidence, right? It almost feels like you are with me at this moment. The slightly muffled melody brings me back to your bedroom. I still remember the times when we would have little dance parties in your room and sing at the top of our lungs until we ran out of breath. Yes, I do still remember those times. I know you think I forgot, but I still store all of our small memories in the back of my head.

It has been a while since we last spoke. As I am writing this to you, I am still remembering your face and the way your laugh sounded and what your hugs felt like. I remember so much about you even though it’s been months since I last saw you, or at least it feels like it.

I know we have moved on from each other, but I’ll be one hundred percent honest, there’s still a part of me that misses you and wishes you would come back. I know you won’t, though, and I understand that you can’t.

I apologize that I was only able to share in your happiness through dim-lit screens. But, I am so glad you have found someone new to share your beautifully ambitious life with. Even though we no longer speak, I wish you the very best.   

I’m sorry that I never told you.  

But I hope you can understand.  

I still have my cuts and bruises from the past that occasionally reopen. It’s alright though, I’ve stocked up heavily on band-aids. And though I may still be bleeding, I am so joyful to see that your own cuts are almost all healed. Even if my wounds never disappear, I will find happiness in your own recovery.  

With everything we’ve been through, my pain doesn’t trouble me any longer. It still hurts but I can be tolerant and move on from my own injuries. It’s you that I care about. It’s your pain that I want to take onto my own shoulders so that you no longer have to suffer. If it means you can find happiness, I will do it.  

Take my word.

I will.

Don’t worry about my own health. I fight my own battles and still come out alive. You don’t know this, but I have found a few new warriors that have been walking the same path as me. They’ve walked with me for nearly a year now and even took the time to stitch up my gashes.

So, as we both continue our journeys, I will leave you with this. As your friend, I simply wish you the very best life you can have even if that means you must let me go.

I just want you to be happy.

Sincerely,

The one who will never forget you ❤

No Longer


I no longer thirst for water; my only drink is the salty tears that slide onto my dry lips. I no longer hunger for food; I only eat the pills of confusion you keep feeding me – I digest them uneasily. I no longer search for love; what you’ve shown me is the pity for my own mistakes. I no longer look for a friend; I thought loyalty was something more than trying to figure me out. I no longer try; I only put in as much effort as you. I no longer look for acceptance from you; I may be repetitive but I have a right to express what I truly feel. I no longer filter my thoughts; you criticize every little detail that comes out of my mouth. I no longer care; why should I when you stopped caring from the very beginning?