Philophobia – Fear of Falling In Love


Have you ever wanted to get inside someone’s mind and see what they think about you? Or been curious about how much they really like you? Well, since Covid-19 has ruined my plans for 2020, I’ve had hours to polish up my education on psychology! Learning how the mind works is so intriguing to me so I read some books, watched some videos, and wrote LOTS of notes to absorb all the information I could! All of these facts come from scientifically proven studies and I know they work because I’ve used some of them!

Before you start, I use the word “crush” in this post a lot, but you can replace that with “love interest” or “partner” or “spouse” or whatever word is appropriate for your current situation.

Without further ado, I present to you, psychology facts about love and attraction!

General/statistical facts – things you probably want to know

  • Philophobia is the fear of falling in love
  • Falling in love has the same neurological effect as getting high off cocaine
  • Holding a loved one’s hand relieves pain and stress
  • People see you 20% more attractive than you actually are
    • Since we see ourselves in the mirror every day, we don’t naturally find ourselves attractive. But for someone who has never seen us before, our appearance is completely different in their eyes
    • This should be a confidence booster!
  • Men are more likely to say “I love you” first
  • People who experience frustration attraction tend to like a person more after getting rejected by that person
    • People want what they can’t have, so play hard to get (as objectifying as it sounds, people like to play games, so if you’re too easy to get, people lose interest because the game is over. Although if you interact with this “game” in a healthy way, it can actually be fun to be chased – it makes you feel wanted but again, to a healthy extent this can work in your favor!)
  • The longer you hide your feelings for someone, the stronger they become
    • This is slightly related to frustration attraction, but I believe this to be true because as anxious human beings, we see the position we are in with the person we like, and it’s a great position! So, by telling them our real feelings, there’s fear of ruining the connection with them if they act indifferent to your true feelings. However, we also love to daydream about things we could do with that person in the future – we make up scenarios that we hope will happen and if expressing the truth doesn’t match our perfect daydreams, then we feel crushed – that’s why it’s called a crush!
  • Using someone’s name in conversation will switch that person’s attention to the conversation. They will know that someone is talking about them (in a positive way hopefully) and feel valued if they are able to hear it. As cheesy as it sounds, people also love hearing their name being said by someone they like
  • It takes 4 minutes to decide if you have a crush and 3 months to fall in love
    • If that crush lasts longer than 4 months, you’re most likely in love
  • Opposites actually don’t attract. We would rather interact with people who are very similar to ourselves (sure, this leaves less space for some interesting conversations, but agreeing viewpoints can also bring out years of great conversation)
    • For example, people who listen to the same music are better at communication and have stronger, longer-lasting relationships!
  • Relationships can end within 3-5 months because the “honeymoon” stage of the relationship starts to end
    • Try hard to push past this and keep it interesting. This can happen in friendships too sometimes – there’s always opportunities to learn something new about someone every day or try something new together
  • 71% of breakups happen due to mood swings
  • Ask someone for a small favor (like borrowing a pencil) – even if that person doesn’t like you, they will subconsciously start to like you because they’ve done a small act of kindness for you and makes them feel like they were helpful in the smallest way
  • Men who kiss their wives every morning are thought to live 5 years longer
  • Psychologically, it’s impossible to be “just friends” with people you’ve loved in the past
  • 82% of people are more confident approaching an attractive person if they have a dog with them (cause everyone thinks dogs are pretty cool!)
  • The color red makes you appear more attractive so wear it with your crush or loved one – subconsciously, they will be more attracted to you
    • Even a lot of psychologists don’t really know why it makes people more attractive, it just does. Studies have shown that people think it’s a sexy color and for men, it makes them appear more dominant. We also classify the color red as the color of love and passion. Hearts are red so red = love in our heart
  • For some reason, people are more attractive when their hair is wet and when it’s parted from the left to the right (that would mean on their own head, their part would be on the right side) Again, psychologists don’t really know why this is true
  • The color blue is psychologically the most attractive eye color
  • If you make eye contact with someone for 3 minutes straight, your heart beats will sync up
  • Naturally, women like men with deeper voices
  • People remember beginnings and ends but not so much of the middle parts, so make strong impressions with people at the beginning of meeting them and before leaving
  • If a woman takes interest in a man’s goofy hobbies, he will like that woman so much more than usual
    • Story time: my friend and I went to this bar downtown to hangout. Naturally when an introvert as myself starts feeling the alcoholic buzz, I feel more comfortable talking to strangers. There was this man (probably in his 40’s) sitting at the bar wearing a Rockstar brand tshirt! For those of you show don’t know, Rockstar is a video game company who has made games like Red Dead Redemption I and II, Grand Theft Auto, Bully, etc. I noticed and asked the man if he played video games by Rockstar in which he responded super excitedly that he did! We ended up talking about video games for an hour! My point is that this man got really excited that I was able to invest myself in his hobby (videogaming) and have a really awesome conversation with him!
  • Men enjoy compliments too, don’t be scared to freaking compliment them!!
  • If they make jokes about being single around you, they probably like you and they’re throwing out a hint *cough cough*
  • Men usually can’t take hints so, women, ask them on a date!
    • It’s 2020, let’s ignore the gender norms, it’s not impolite for women to ask men on a date when both of them want to go on a date but they’re shy about asking!

Body language facts – understand the signs

  • If someone is anxious, sad, or uncomfortable, they’ll usually walk with their head down, back arched, and hands in pockets
  • Clasped hands – people do this when they are stressed to try to comfort themselves
    • I’ve noticed I’ve done this too when I’ve been on an uncomfortable/awkward situation (even when standing). If you notice your date doing this, maybe reassure them somehow or change the subject to something light-hearted, something they want to talk about
  • Hold eye contact – it plays a huge role in falling in love (but maybe for the first date, not too much eye contact to the point where you’re both just staring in silence)
    • This also works if someone is telling a story but holding back on some juicy details – let them tell the story and then don’t respond, just make eye contact and be silent, the other person will feel awkward and probably add onto the story due to uncomfortable feelings from the silence
  • Notice the speed of their blinking – this could tell you how they’re feeling
    • If they are blinking too fast, they feel distressed and uncomfortable. If they blink a little too slow, that means they are probably zoning out and not engaged in the conversation. But if they blink an appropriate amount, that means they are engaged and interested in what you’re saying (this requires some focus on your part and could also vary depending on the type of person you’re with)
  • Facial hints
    • If they purse or tighten their lips while you’re talking to them, they feel uncomfortable so try changing the subject (they do this because they’re trying to hide their facial expression – unfortunately, their face is naturally contorting in disagreement or negativity towards what you’re saying)
    • Look for wrinkles (or crows feet) in the corners of their eyes when they laugh – if you don’t see them, they are fake laughing
    • Also look if you can see their top teeth when they smile – if you can see their bottom teeth only, it’s a fake smile
  • Yawns are contagious
    • Try yawning and see if anyone else around you yawns. If they do, that means they’re watching you or paying attention to you from a distance. This is true on both ends – if you’re watching someone and they yawn, it can be hard to fight a yawn within yourself as well (if you yawned during this sentence, I’ve proven my point!)
  • We tend to copy the mannerisms of people we like (whether we notice it or not). If they lean forward in their chair, we slightly lean forward in ours. Or if they cross their arms, then we cross ours too
    • Mirroring someone’s body language (especially in sales) can subconsciously make them like you a little more. And if they are really engaged in the conversation, they may lean forward (or even move their face closer to yours) to be physically closer to you. One other cue is if they touch their neck, they are very interested in what you’re saying. This one is more for sit-down situations but pay attention to THE NECK!
  • When we laugh in a group, we tend to look at the person we feel closest to or like (so if you notice no one is looking at you, I’m sorry)
    • This is VERY true as I always look at my best friend when laughing in a group, even if they are in an awkward direction, I’ll move my head to look at them!
  • People usually stand 3 feet apart and have a personal bubble of a 3 feet radius. But if someone steps inside that bubble and breaks that 3 feet, they probably like you.
    • Especially if they touch you a lot, lean in, or randomly bump their hand against yours, they probably like you. If you allow them into this bubble this also means you’re very comfortable around them. If you notice them leaning into you after you tell a cheesy joke, they like you because they want to be physically touching you as much as possible, even in the most unnecessary situations such as telling a joke or walking side by side
  • Match their walking speed – when people walk at the same speed, there’s a mutual attraction level.
    • This way, no one feels left behind and you’ll both feel in sync and feel a higher attraction towards each other (in the slightest way)

Tips to use with your date!

  • We tend to find symmetry attractive, so wear glasses to make your face more symmetrical and to make yourself appear more intelligent
    • This is more of a silly suggestion for appearances, so if you don’t wear glasses, be your authentic self! Win them over with your personality instead of your looks! But don’t forget, you can always wear red!
  • When you compliment your date’s personality instead of their externalities (like appearance), they’ll feel more valuable because you complimented a part of who they are, not what they look like
  • Take your date somewhere their adrenaline will pump!!
    • This is called deceptive affection but it’s not as manipulative as the name might make it sound. Take your date to an amusement park or a haunted house. When their heart is zooming because of the thrill and they’re looking at you, their brain will think their heart is pumping fast BECAUSE of you. This works for me too as me and my best friend went to a rave together and it actually made me like them more and feel closer to them
    • Also, whenever your date sees you the next time, they will be reminded of those thrilling memories!
  • Make them talk about themselves. People love to talk about themselves so if you ask questions about their life and interest, they’ll think you’re interested in them (which you hopefully are!)
  • Tell your deep secrets to your crush (I mean, don’t overshare, but show them who you are)
    • It will make them feel more connected to you and more special as you are revealing a vulnerable piece of yourself
  • Treat your crush like a new acquaintance, not a casual friend
    • This means don’t freak out if they don’t text every day, don’t get sad if you’re stuck in the “small talk” zone for a little while, etc. Expect occasional interaction, not often interaction. Thinking this way will help you be a little less nervous

***

To find these facts for yourself, check out:

  1. The Psychology Book – Big Ideas Simply Explained
  2. What Every Body is Saying
  3. Way of the Wolf
  4. Subliminal: How Your Unconscious Mind Rules Your Behavior

  5. Kraabbyy on Tik Tok
  6. Onlyjayus on Tik Tok

If y’all liked this post, I’ll do another post about random psychology facts that you probably want to know about!

Crushes Suck.


I’ve never been in love, so I don’t know how it’s supposed to feel
And I’m pretty sure I’m in love with the wrong person.

The wrong person catches my eye in a crowded room.
The wrong person makes the flowers in my body bloom.
The wrong person makes me laugh way more than usual.
The wrong person makes my daydreams sound delusional.
The wrong person gives me powerful feelings I’ve never had.
The wrong person makes me show off my dance moves that are… my god, so bad.
The wrong person is the inspiration of my writing.
The wrong person is the reason everything is aligning.
The wrong person teaches me how to love every single day.
The wrong person makes me think “You’re the one, there’s no other way.”

Now replace “the wrong person” with the name of your crush – and then get over it!

If the wrong person can make you feel like that, imagine what the right person can make you feel…

tHORNY Roses – Poem Analysis


good Evening, little Primrose

your leaves make me bleed

you’re thornless, I suppose

planted with blood on your seed


This is a special poem of the week because it’s the first time I’m going to explain the significance. Even though this is a short poem, I will explain what every line means and show you where the easter eggs are.

The most general idea of this poem is that this flower represents a human’s personality from their leaves (attributes) to their thorns (negative characteristics) and the way they are planted (behavior).

First off, I intentionally made every line lower case to emphasize an easter egg in the first line. The only capitalized words in this poem are “Evening” and “Primrose” and this roseeis because there’s actually a flower called the evening primrose (left). As you can see, this flower looks like it has thorns on its stem, but really, the leaves are just super pointy. From a distance, this flower may look intimidating, but it’s not.

This became a message that appearances are different from far away compared to up close. That’s why the second line is “your leaves make me bleed.” Although the leaves aren’t sharp, they look like they could cut someone and do some damage. This line is also a play on words: “leaves” represent goodbyes. When someone says goodbye, they leave your side and that can be painful sometimes. Similarly, when you get cut deep enough to bleed, it’s also painful.

Again, this whole poem focuses on the outward appearance. In the third line, the writer is talking to the flower, or the person the flower represents. It’s written in a tone that is unsure and somewhat condescending because although there is nothing harmful on this flower, it still looks like there is. Therefore, the writer is being cautious of its interaction with this plant. 

This brings us to the last line: planted with blood on your seed. This has two meanings. If a seed is planted with blood on it, that means it’s an unpure seed. The way I see it is that a bloody flower can either be good or bad. It can represent a plant that is full of life and literally contains “a mother’s touch” or it will wither because a seed that is grown by blood instead of water won’t blossom.

Now that you know the significance of this short poem, you can understand that it essentially represents the essence of human life. People are either innately virtuous or evil but you have to dig to the roots to find out which one they are.

Thanks for reading! I’m glad I could share this explanation into my intricate thought process when writing a poem. (Not all my poems require this much thought though – sometimes they have no meaning at all) ☻