Have A Little Laugh


I’ll be honest: Lately, I’ve been feeling a little under the weather, so I’ve been searching for some “quality” material to cheer me up. I found all of these hilarious posts and I wanted to share my findings with you. Consider this your cup of tea (or coffee – whatever you prefer) on a dreary day!

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I know this post isn’t in my normal format, but I hope this made you laugh a little (◠‿◠✿)

Theologicophobia – Fear of Theology


I remember the day I met you;

It was in a daydream six years ago

In a small meadow that I laid in to rest.

The meadow was surrounded by trees on every side.

 

At first, I didn’t see you,

All I saw where the vibrant flowers;

They swayed in the gentle wind.

Everything was at peace in the serene evening.

 

I sat up and gazed over the tall grass.

That’s when I saw you.

More radiant than an Angel, you were standing

On the other side of the meadow.  

 

Though you seemed to be a mile away,

I saw your face as clear as day.

As I stood up, you noticed me

And revealed a smile that melted the world.

 

We stood there, staring at each other.

I had an overwhelming feeling of affection in my heart,

It hit me so suddenly with incredible force,

Similarly to waves crashing on the rocks by the shore.

 

You began to approach me

And closed the space between us

With each step you took,

You started to age backward.

 

You stood nearly seven feet away,

You were so close that I felt myself tremble.

I looked into your magnificent eyes

While everything else disappeared.

 

“Do not feel lost, my child,

For you are mine and you are home.

Follow me and I will be your stronghold.

Come. Rise and walk by my side.”

 

You held out your hand for me to take.

Suddenly, a burst of light illuminated your body.

It shined as bright as the sun,

It was so radiant I couldn’t see anything.

 

A moment passed and the light dimmed.

You were far away now,

On the other side of the meadow again.

I wanted to run after you but stayed still.

 

You gazed at me one last time,

And as you did, you motioned to me

To follow you further into the meadow

Where we would walk into the sunset together.

 

After you took a few steps toward the trees,

You disappeared into the atmosphere.

Though I saw you walk away,

I was not sorrowful.

 

I yelled into the meadow,

Loud enough for the Angels to hear.

I knew you would listen

Because you have never abandoned me before.

 

“Father, I yearn for Heaven,

But I know Hell yearns for me.

I shall follow you in my blindness,

Because I live by faith, not by sight.

 

You are my Savior!

There is no one I love more than you.

I’m ready to do your will

And come home in the end!”

 

My voice echoed across the meadow.

There was silence.

All I knew was that you heard my call

And you gave me the strength to carry on by faith.

 

I pray we may meet again soon…

Imperfect Facade


Do you want to know what’s eating me alive?
It’s all these thoughts I bottle up inside.
My mind continues to recite this unspoken soliloquy.
It plays in my head, non-stop, repeatedly.
These are some of the lines:

“I may be everything you wanted but I could never be everything you needed. Defeated is all I’ll ever be in my abandoned memory. To you, I applaud your hypocrisy, for it was much more deceptive than I remember. But what right have I got to state that claim when I suffer from memory loss and numbing pain. You put on this facade so often, I can’t even remember who you used to be. To me, you were imperfectly pure. But I can’t find that in you anymore.”

You stabbed me so hard,
I nearly fell through the floor.
But you held your hand out to catch me,
you confused me once more.
How much longer
do we have to live like this?
That’s all I want to know.

Thanatophobia – Fear of Death


The game of our human lives is not a simple game. Here’s how it’s played:

There are three players.

A King.

A Prince.

A Human.

The human is faced with a certain situation. The King and the Prince have their own deck of cards that all have a suggestion on them. Both the King and the Prince put down one of their cards, showing them to the human. The human has to decide which card to choose in which they will apply to their situation. There are multiple paths the human can take, although, there are only two ending spaces where two different kingdoms lay. Both kingdoms are closed off by a giant gate. The game is played on a board with one main colored playing piece (chosen by the human). Only the King and Prince can touch that piece. Near the end of the game, the piece will land on one of the two ending spaces, in which the game will be finished. In addition, the King and Prince can put their own playing pieces down during any point in the game. The King’s piece is white while the Prince’s piece is black. The white and black pieces can lead the colored piece to a different path. The game is as simple as that… at least it sounds simple.

You see, the King and the Prince have been playing this game ever since the very beginning of humanity. In fact, they are playing at this very second. The human has been playing since birth but will stop playing once they turn to ash. There can only be one winner of the game. Sometimes, the King wins. Other times, the Prince wins. It all depends on the cards the human chooses.

There is something the human must know about the King and the Prince:

The King is the Ruler of the world and the creator of everything and everyone, including the Prince. He deeply adores every human He plays with. He remembers every one of the humans He has played with and knows all the humans He has yet to play. He rewards the human at the end of the game if they choose wisely and finish the game at His kingdom. Many believe ending at the King’s kingdom is more glorious and abundant. Many call it home. The King longs for every single one of His players to enter His gate. His kingdom is more divine and magnificent than the human mind could even comprehend. The King himself is perfect above anything else.

The Prince, however, is very different. Many call him the Prince of Darkness because he loathes the King and leads the humans on a path of destruction. The Prince is surreptitious and corrupt compared to the King. Many of his cards contain wealth, pleasures, and options of self-satisfaction. While it may seem like all his cards are full of euphoria, their core is full of selfishness. When the human chooses the Prince’s cards, they are choosing the easy way out and move one space closer to his kingdom. The Prince’s kingdom is macabre and agonizing. Many humans have entered his kingdom and never escaped.

The human’s final destination all depends on the cards they choose. The King’s cards usually contain the better choice but some of His cards are difficult to act upon. Some include giving up something valuable, giving away money, or even breaking apart an unhealthy relationship. On the other hand, the Prince’s cards can be the painless choice. These can include lying, cheating, sneaking, and opportunities to “have it your way” to stay out of altercations and serious consequences. It becomes a game of morality and what the human believes is right. Every single game is different due to the situations, cards, and decisions.

As previously stated, the King and Prince have their own playing piece that leads the colored piece on a different path. Usually, the King’s white piece is a blessing in the form of a person, event, or opportunity that lead the colored piece one space closer to the King’s kingdom. The Prince’s black piece comes in similar forms as the King’s except the black piece is considered a condemnation. Part of the challenge of the game is that the human must recognize if the piece is a blessing or condemnation, and if they feel they should follow it.

Every human is different in their playing strategy. Some play very diligently with a game plan to reach the King’s kingdom. Others get played by the Prince because they listen to all the false luxury he offers and they take part in his toxic temptations. Most games take decades to finish while some are only played for less than 20 years; sometimes the human decides when the game ends instead.

Now, let me tell you something you probably didn’t know: you are playing the game right now. You’ve been playing for a while and already encountered some white and black pieces. You’ve already chosen many cards from both decks. A word of advice: choose your cards wisely and you’ll be on the path to meet the King! Don’t be deceived by the Prince. His cards may sound more enjoyable, but in the end, choosing the King’s cards will earn you a reward beyond anything you could ever imagine.

Which card will you choose next?